Unexpected Things: Top 10 “They Make That?!?”

One of the first posts I made highlighted a Baby Hanging Harness. It got me to thinking what OTHER stuff is out there that seems a bit….odd, creepy, or weird?

10. The Nose Frida
From their own website:

Nose Frida: Manual Snot Sucker.

• It’s smart.
• It’s Swedish.
• It’s maybe a little strange.

Maybe a little strange? Um…..

9. Zaky Infant Pillow

To get your bundle of joy used to
really creepy hands

I don’t know what’s more odd. The fact that it exists, or the fact that it’s sold out on the website.

8. Placenta Teddy Bear

Winnie The Placenta

Sure, you could eat it, you can drink it in a smoothie, or bury it under a tree in a religious ritual. OR, you could have it made into a creepy, salt cured, preserved teddy bear to pass down through the generations.

7. Baby Bangs

Bangs are the only thing this website touts, and they say it’s so people don’t get confused about if your child is a boy or a girl. You know, in case the pink tutu didn’t give it away. For fairness and to keep things a little less sexist, it seems like they should come up with a Baby Mullet and other hairstyles as well. Click on the link because the before and after photo is pretty funny.

6. A Crib That Costs $19,995
Wow. A crib that costs about the same as a 2012 Nissan Altima.
5. Diamond Encrusted Pacifier
This one also fits under the “Crazy Expensive” category.  A pacifier that costs $17,000, encrusted in diamonds, that you can literally purchase on Amazon.

Although, I’m sure there will be nights where I’d be willing to give anything – including $17,000, to keep her quiet.

 4. Terribly Inappropriate Clothing
 Ok, I’m the LAST person to say what’s appropriate and inappropriate as far as humor is concerned. However, I think we can all agree that putting your tot in these gems are probably a bad idea.

 

3. Poop Bags…..for Babies
I clean up after my dogs at minimum 2 times per day, 1-3 times per walk. Apparently, there is a similar movement (no pun intended) called elimination communication, where the parents depend on their baby to tell them when the need to eliminate is going to happen, therefore, reducing or eliminating the need for diapers.

This depends on a few things:
-That you are watching your baby like a HAWK, which you should be doing. However, sometimes Mommy needs a sandwich, and that will be the time your baby will invariably need to be held over a Diaper Genie to poo in a bag.
-You really don’t care about your carpet
-That your infant, who can’t talk or control any body function, can communicate with you.
Now, I haven’t spent a ton of time with babies – but the time I have spent with them has taught me that they have ZERO motor function, for quite some time. Plus, they pee or poop once approximately every 10 minutes.  I’m not sure how many bags you’d go through in a day, but it sort of negates the eco-friendly aspect of things. Plus, as eco-friendly as you want to be, this is still just rather icky in public spaces. Like, on a train, or at the supermarket.

2. Gourd Rattle
The good folks at Regretsy have never let me down. According to the post, it’s a “large gourd rattle with deer hooves, leather, fun yarn, and furry acorn”.

To me, the sharp hoof, the heavy gourd, the strings of “fun yarn” screams UNSAFE!UNSAFE!UNSAFE! But hey, danger builds character!

 1. Man-Boobs
What’s the man of the house to do when the lady goes out for 2 hours of peace and quiet? How on earth will he feed the baby pumped milk or formula? He COULD use a bottle, or he can strap on a pair of these:

Most teenage boys wonder what they would do if they had boobs. Now, you know. Not as fun as you thought, now is it?