I’ve also discovered that it’s really hard not to say anything to people. We decided to wait until our ultrasound to make sure everything is fine before telling people. Now I’m wishing I didn’t sign up for that. I thought we’d get a visual at week 8, but our OB does it at week 11. I mean, if something WERE wrong, it would be devastating, and knowing that I have a great support system of close friends, coworkers, and students, I think if I was to do this again, I would tell people more immediately. Maybe not right off the bat, but definitely by the end of the 2nd month.
If everything is ok, then it’s one more month of excitement, and people would understand why I feel so exhausted, or can’t hang out. If something is wrong, I have people I can talk to and vent to, and cry on their shoulder. I feel that going beyond 2 months, if something were to go wrong at this point, I’d be crushed, and I feel that my friends would deserve to know why.
For the few people that do know, or who have guessed, they rejuvenate me by showing excitement and asking questions. For the people who don’t know and I REALLY want to tell, it’s agony. But then again, I’m terrible at keeping secrets, especially from people I love. It’s even harder when long sleeve tee-shirts aren’t exactly hiding anything obvious anymore, so it’s wearing the same three hoodies until we get the visuals. So aside from getting bigger, and not being able to say anything, it’s a bit depressing. I think once the cat is out of the bag, I can finally let myself get really excited, but for now, it feels more like walking on eggshells.
That being said, I totally understand, at least the first baby, why people are advised to wait. The risk of miscarriage is really high the first trimester. I have one friend at 7 months in the hospital for several weeks to try to keep the baby IN, and another friend had a miscarriage just over Thanksgiving holiday. Granted, they are much further than we are, but still – I totally get it. But if we do this again, I don’t think I’d make the same decision to wait as long to disclose.